“Riley Unlikely” Thoughts

I picked up this book and was like, “Is this someone trying to be like “Kisses for Katie”? The short answer is yes, but the long answer is more complicated, and brings up so many thoughts in my head.

First of all, this isn’t a negative review. It was an interesting story- but mostly, it was the story I would have written up until a couple of years ago: it was the story I wish I would have written, because it is done well and is a really great way to raise money/support.

That said, it wasn’t “Kisses for Katie.” It was a girl, maybe 20, reciting all the things that had happened since she was 13. It was my missionary newsletters from 2004-2010. It’s a thirteen year old girl who sees she has so much and others have so little, so let’s fly it over to them and have a great time in the process.

It wasn’t a beautifully written book that you get lost in. I skimmed enough to see what the next event was. There were some good introspective moments, but she shared them as her thoughts- not working to help us connect to the universal truth it held (something that I felt Kisses for Katie did well).

I’ve learned enough about white saviorism to cringe at many things- including myself many, many times. Her age showed really clearly through the whole book. I like parts of that- the part that hasn’t gotten bogged down with so much life yet-but most people would just call it naive. As a regularly (and self) declared naive person: I get that on a deep level.

The whole story moved better than most people’s experience because she actually started a non profit to get donations the first year, and kept at it. Good for her! I appreciated her family so much, and all the teamwork it was, while having her as a constant- it is so much easier and faster when one person is willing to become a figurehead. Otherwise you don’t get the books written, or the rallying call, or the “wow- she was 13?”

But it is a lot of undue pressure and might I say dangerous positioning for one person? It certainly set her up to easily be married and a supported missionary with a huge home base, but I think over time she might find herself stuck. Or destroyed, as so many of our Christian figureheads have before.

Because she’s been doing all the fun stuff these years. The “go once a year and bring all this stuff we worked all year to raise and feel so good about giving and being a part of something bigger than ourselves.” Yeah- I’ve been there- it’s a lovely place to be. It’s like christian crack. But it isn’t what being a missionary is, and it isn’t what missions is.

I think that it is an important phase of missions: but it can’t be it all. It can’t even be the main story- it’s the short beginning of the story. Because very soon you see that giving things isn’t enough: you never have enough to give. Never. And pretty soon, those neverending needs grow so heavy and unsustainable. And people are never grateful enough- you are not grateful enough.

Then one day you realize maybe you weren’t supposed to be giving to those needs in the first place. Or that it isn’t healthy to give them anymore. And that can be very disillusioning.

I am not saying that children shouldn’t be fed. I’m just saying that after you get to know them, you might realize that the reason they aren’t getting food is because of systemic corruption in the government- and maybe you work to help elect an honest local leader. Maybe you realize the reason they aren’t getting food is because of a lack of local businesses, and you help start/support local businesses. There are a million and one reasons why those kids aren’t getting food, and just giving them food isn’t going to solve any one of those problems- for many of them, it actually makes them worse.

Part of me was jealous of Riley. She started out younger than me, and was much more successful than I was. While I know many people who would ridicule her for the book, many more would be genuinely in awe of her and hold her up on a pedestal. I’ve been there, and it is a nice place to be, “pedestaled,” for the most part. And she’d consider anyone who ridiculed her to be part of suffering for Jesus- so even that is a badge of honor.

She has a community and crew around her, so will probably just grow more into what she’s doing. I just hope she knows when to let go. When to stop just putting on bandaids and move on to real, long, dirty life stuff. The part that’s like raising children: you don’t see the results for years. And they don’t know how to appreciate or realize what was actually given until years after that.

The part where you move from snapping the pictures to realizing that it often isn’t respecting or representing the others who are actually doing the work. The part where you don’t just feed the children, but you work to solve the reasons why that kid does’t have food.

Most of all, you just love. You just live. And you realize that each day only has 24 hours in it, and that’s ok. It’s not only ok- but that is how it was created to be. Because it’s not about you getting it all done. It’s not about you fixing all the problems. And it’s definitely not about you trying to make sure “they” get as much as the kids back home do.

So I am curious to see where Riley Unlikely is in ten years. I really wish her well, and hope she moves into sustainable growth led by local leaders. It is a long but lovely road, and she probably won’t write a book about it, because those doing don’t have time to write, and by the time they can write it, they realize the story was never about them. I hope she looks back and cringes when she sees her book in the hands of someone asking for an autograph.

Summing up, I see danger in putting one person up as a figurehead to follow: is there a healthy way to rally without one? And how do we do that? And how do we move from just neighborly love (let me give you a cup of sugar) to motherly love (lifetime investment) not just in missions, but in life?