In the Bathtub

I love the feel of the water rushing over me

The fluidity has always

Calmed me

One of my earliest memories is being able to stretch out and finally touch from one long end to the other of the tub 

The joy of having all the time in the world 

Reading a book until the water needed “refreshed” 

Because it turned cold 

Years of my life passed with no bathtub in Brazil

The bracing cold morning showers were their own story 

Each time I came home to the USA

I sighed as I sank beneith the hot ripples

Bathtubs and dryers, I missed them both

And yet, both of my children were born in water 

Water has always helped me to calm down

Calm down enough to deliver babies without medication 

Sofia was not born in a tub, but rather a blowup kiddy pool that I pushed against so hard it busted, the slow leak continuing through delivery 

Jessica had a lined hot tub in a beautiful new birthing center

Where my delivery time lined up with when the room was available- only one of two rooms with tubs 

My body remembers loosening when I stepped into the water

deep into labor

Now I am back with my own tub in my own bathroom

It is a pleasure and decadency

One of many that litter my day 

So many that I find it hard to appreciate 

Each one as I should 

I still look forward to the lazy mornings with long spells

Interrupted by a million questions

From daughters that can’t seem to remember

that daddy is right next to them 

But I’d give them all up

for all that came with

the cold bracing showers in Brazil 

I’d give baths up in a moment