Not Being There

My beautiful Camilla

I feel it, like I’ve felt it so many times before

The ache

The pang

Of missing something you know you should have been a part of

A wedding

A funeral

A birthday

An anniversary

It hits you fresh each time, but is déjà vu

Wondering how they can go on without you

How you can go on without them

Why this world is so very, very fractured

And will all you get to say is “Someday, in heaven…”?

That’s my family

Those are my people

They grow up so fast

It’s a humbling thing, knowing you won’t be there, can’t be there

You’ve chosen this life

Of being sliced in two

In all of its glorious splendor and tears

You create bonds just to let them go

And hope they will be better off for it, as you are